The Law of Attraction and YOU.

(first published Library Life November 2004)

Last month I wrote about the concept of the Law of Attraction and the seeming reality that in our day to day activities there is this very odd thing ~ on the days when things are going well and we are feeling positive about ourselves, about our work and life in general, then other things tend to go our way. Whereas at other times initial niggles seem to lead to frustration, then annoyance then the strong feeling that it is simply not our day. We tend to look for something or someone to blame, often ourselves, and from there patterns of thinking can set in which leave us feeling quite demotivated and convinced that this is just the way it is, and even worse, will continue to be.

I mentioned last month that I would describe a way out of this pattern for people who are open to new ways of doing things. It starts from the assumption that most of the ongoing negative issues and concerns we face in our lives are there for us to deal with. Blaming others and continuing to complain is one strategy but it will not bring about too big a change very quickly, and the personal costs to us are often huge. So the opportunity exists to choose another option.

One answer lies in taking a little bit of time to get very very clear on what we DO want. No matter what the situation is, we can indeed start with what we don’t want. In fact it is a very good place to start, and then think about what we DO want. So here is an example:

What I don’t want : I don’t want to be constantly running to meet deadlines; I don’t want the stress of watching the paperwork mount up all around me and the email inbox full to overflowing. I don’t want to never have enough time to catch up. I don’t want to go home each night feeling exhausted and dreading the next day.

A scenario like this, not uncommon in many workplaces, provides the ideal opportunity for moderate stress, tiredness brought about by working long hours, some frayed tempers and potential negative health impacts.

What I like to ask people in this situation is “So if you don’t want that, what do you want instead ?” Now this is a hard question for many people to answer, so set are they in a pattern of just knowing about the negative stuff. If you find it tough as well, take heart, you are not alone. The quite common response is something along the lines that things will never change and this is just the way it is. Perfect, then expect that to happen and get ready for more of the same. I am not being facetious here – that is the reality if people stay stuck in negative thinking. It is highly likely that things will not change – you can pretty much bank on it !

On the other hand, what if the person starts to say and think something like this:

I want to be able to see the bottom of my in-tray regularly. I want to have my work organised so that deadlines are regularly met, so that I can take care of urgent things as they occur and still have time for people to pop in to see me or call me. I want to know that I have things under control. I want to leave work at a reasonable time, knowing that I can enjoy a change of pace and relax in the evening.

Now that is a different pattern. Being committed to wanting some things to change and getting clear about what you do want will shift your energy. Of course it will not change things overnight. This is not magic wand territory, but what it is likely to do is have you feel calmer and more able to see a way forward rather than stuck up to your eyeballs in a situation that is wearing you down. And who would not want that ?

And what’s more, by continuing to focus your energy and attention on what you DO want, and redirecting your mindset away from what you do not want, things will start to develop in ways that may surprise you. I see it all the time. People’s commitment to themselves grows, they cut through some of the dross around them, they hold their head higher and are proud of achievements, they get a keen sense of what they are good at (rather than their faults !!), they can see some of the dramas around them for what they are, they avoid gossip and innuendo because it is taking them nowhere, they are more honest in their communication and let people know what they stand for, they build self respect and earn the trust of others. In short they make a conscious effort to be true to who they are, rather than get sucked in to some of the so tempting negativity that surrounds them. It takes courage to do this ~ it is not for the faint-hearted but the rewards are huge.

I suggest that as you read this you take a few minutes to think of some of the things that you don’t want right now. Grab a pen and paper and build a list of them down the left hand side. Then at the top of the right hand column write in upper case SO WHAT DO I WANT? and start getting clear. Alongside each statement write what you want instead. And if you are interested in taking this further in a small group, I invite you to join me on an upcoming coaching course – available country–wide. You will like the change ! Details are on my website.